Babies and beheadings (but not at the same time)

As many of you know, my sister recently had a baby. Yep, my younger sister, sharer of much of my DNA, pushed a tiny human out of her lady hole, and let me tell you: it is ADORABLE. (The baby, not the lady hole.) Many of you will be surprised to hear this (but the rest of you won't), I love babies. And kids. Really, I do. I may seem like a cold-hearted bitch to strangers, what with my insistence on telling it like it is and whatnot, but I love kids. I always have. When I was growing up, my first two career ideas for myself were: swim teacher at the YMCA (I really liked my swim teacher) and then, when my mother pointed out that "swim teacher at the YMCA" wasn't actually a career, I aimed a little higher and decided I wanted to be a day care teacher.

Since that time my career goals have matured slightly (though if I'm being honest my ultimate career goal is to win the lottery and not have a career), but my love for children has not. And thus, I decided that when I am in Toronto for a conference at the end of this month, I'm going to tack a weekend on to the trip to go to upstate NY to visit my sister and her baby. But mostly her baby. Yes, I could wait until I move to the east coast in June/July to see the baby, but I don't want to wait! I want to see him now!

Getting from Toronto to upstate NY seems easy enough, as they are pretty close together, but it's not cheap. The easiest way to get there would be to fly, but that costs $400 or more, and you have to route through NYC which just seems stupid.  Renting a car is a $200 proposition, the train costs $100, and the bus $50. I'm still a poor grad student (though I won't be for long!), so obviously, I chose the bus. Plus, according to Greyhound, the bus I'll be taking has power outlets and free internet access. So it was a no brainer.

Speaking of no brainers (a morbid pun that will make sense in a minute), this brings me to the real topic of today's post. Yesterday I was telling someone about my plans to take the bus from Toronto to NY (and my hopes that it will be a more pleasant experience than the one I had taking a bus from Sofia, Bulgaria to Istanbul; man, that was an experience I don't want to repeat), and as soon as I mentioned "Greyhound" she gave me a meaningful look and said ominously, "I'd be careful who you sit in front of." Of course I asked why, and she proceeded to tell me about an incident in which a passenger on a Greyhound bus, out of nowhere, BEHEADED THE GUY SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM. Yep. Head completely off.  Most terrifyingly, the beheader and the beheadee didn't know each other; it was an act of random violence. I'd never heard of this, so I was convinced it was an urban legend.  Unfortunately, multiple news stories confirmed its veracity. There may also have been cannibalizing involved.

I did not know that beheading was a danger of bus travel (crashes and fires I know about), but now of course I am terrified that in my quest to meet my nephew I will end up with my head cut off by the guy behind me. Does this mean I have to sit in the last row of the bus? I hate that seat! It's next to the bathroom, and it makes me motion sick! (Wait, I just reread an account of the incident and it appears that the stabber attacked the guy sitting next to him, not in front of him. Phew. I really don't like that last seat.)

If you never hear from me after the end of this month, I guess you'll know what happened to me.

Who beheads a fellow bus passenger? Honestly.


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FUN FACT: Prior to becoming a state, the Territory of Utah offered beheading as an optional method of execution!