Beware the pigs

So I've been pretty disconsolate this week, moping around and crying periodically when I'm left alone without sufficient distraction. But I guess things could be worse...I could get EATEN BY MY HOGS.

According to various news reports, a 69-year-old Oregon farmer was eaten by his giant hogs last Wednesday. The poor man apparently went out to feed his 700-pound oinkers and never came home. When his family went to look for him several hours later, all they found were his dentures; further searching of the pig pen revealed bits and pieces of his body. Nobody is quite sure how this happened, but the two primary hypotheses seem to be that (a) he had a heart attack or some other similar malady, and fell into the pen, at which time the pigs ate him, or (b) he was attacked by the pigs, pulled into the pen, and eaten alive. To quote what I believe is the original media report, "While investigators are certain that the hogs consumed most of Garner’s body, they do not know how he died." Authorities in Oregon have dispatched a forensic anthropologist to look into the matter.

Ten points for the Examiner, which posted this awful picture along with their version of the story:

Now, if you think this is the first time such a gruesome thing has happened, let me disabuse you of such notions. In 2004, some hogs in Romania knocked a farmer's wife unconscious and ate off her face and ears and fingers (she later died). In 2006, a farmer in England was bitten and mauled by his hogs; he was fortunately saved by his wife, who turned a hose on the pig. And there are probably many more similar incidents, but I don't feel like looking for them. So I guess I'll end with this life lesson: If you are raising 700-pound hogs, keep a hose nearby. You can thank me later for that valuable piece of advise.

Now, back to moping.

Ha, like I would have pets. Those things are liable to eat you!