The world, she is a dangerous place

If I were mother earth, I'd be pretty pissed off at humankind. And if I believed in a mother earth, I'd totally believe she's pretty pissed off. I mean, how else would you explain the glut of tornadoes in the south? That's clearly retribution for the fact that there's still a giant hole in the ozone layer (Side note: Is it shocking that until recently I did not realize that the ozone hole is still a problem?). Or, you know, the tornadoes might just be retribution for climate change in general. Or not. We don't know.

This is actually what I'm most concerned about in general: We don't know. All things considered, caveatting this statement with my rudimentary understanding of science and nature, we barely know anything about the ultimate consequences of what we're doing to the world. Even scarier, if my friends are at all representative of most people, we don't much care to know. I can't tell you the number of times I've tried to tell someone something about disease or climate change or death or disaster (I'm a great person to invite to parties, by the way) only to hear, 'I don't want to know! Stop talking!' People: Ignorance may be bliss, but complacency kills. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence! (Side note: I'm getting a lot of new catch phrases from the reading I've been doing for this blog. I like it. Almost time to make a cartoon about me! ...Or unfriend me, as the case may be.)

Related: Want to know where (in America) you are most likely to die from weather-related incidents? There's a map for that! (Ha, good pun, self.)

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In non-weather related news, I learned yesterday about some new ways to contract illness and/or get paralyzed:

1. Touching armadillos = leprosy.

Yep, according to a study that I read about on the NPR website, touching raw armadillo meat can give you leprosy. Finally, vindication for my fear of touching raw meat! Not that I've ever touched raw armadillo. But that would fall under my "ew" category just as much as chicken and beef. (Funniest part of the NPR article: right after warning you to avoid touching armadillo, they link to an armadillo chili recipe on some website...called yumyum.com.)

Related: Want to know where the most cases of leprosy occur in the US? There's a map for that too! (Less funny pun the second time, but still a true statement.)

2. Trying surfing for the first time = paralyzed.

While idly surfing the net last night, I came across a website I probably shouldn't know about called OMG Facts. One of the facts that I read actually did make me go OMG, so I shall share it with you: There's a documented medical condition called surfer's myelopathy, in which, when you try surfing for the first time, you could end up paralyzed. (To be fair, the condition can actually be caused by any activity in which you hyper-extend your back, but is most often (or most sensationally?) caused by surfing for the first time. I know! OMG, right??)

I don't want to sound alarmist (ha! of course I do!), but my discovery of this disorder means I am likely never to go in the ocean again. Not that I often go in it at the moment--I am already scared of the ocean, what with jellyfish and sharks and weird fish and all. AND, believe it or not, I have already been kind of worried about ocean-related paralysis, thanks to the "community water safety" segment I had to take in my 12th grade gym class (taught by Ms. Miller, she of the four-inch-long bedazzled fingernails). I vividly remember sitting in the humid pool room, on the bleachers, watching a video in which a man describes (and an actor reenacts) running into the ocean, encountering a wave, and ending up paralyzed (here's a similar story). The lesson I learned from this video was not to be careful, but rather to avoid the ocean at all costs. At that point in my life I had only ever been swimming in the ocean once (actually, the gulf of Mexico), and I found it to be an extremely unpleasant, salty experience. So avoiding the ocean, which I've done fairly successfully since 12th grade (three Hawaii trips excluded), really isn't too difficult for me. I might live in Los Angeles, but I think I've gone within an eighth of a mile of the ocean maybe ten times in the five years I've been here. Do I want to go to the beach? You mean, do I want to sit out on a swath of sand with hoards of people, roasting in the cancerous sun, sand getting in everything, wind whipping the pages around on the book I'm trying to read, with the risk of paralysis (or shark bite) if I try to get in the water? I'll pass, thanks.

With that happy thought, I wish you a tornado-, paralysis- and armadillo-free weekend! XOXO.

Did you know armadillos can swim? Me neither!