Friday the 13th Fun Fact: A mouse in Dew turns to Goo!

By now I'm sure you've heard about the mouse-in-the-mountain-dew thing (if not, don't worry, I'll explain), and you're probably wondering to yourself: why haven't I seen anything about it on this here blog? It seems right up Jessica's alley! Well, wonder no more, because here comes my two cents on the issue. Or, more accurately, here comes my probably too long introduction to an amazing court affidavit.

Here's the backstory:

In November of 2008, some guy, let's call him Beezow just for fun (though that is not his real name), bought a can of Mountain Dew from the vending machine at his work. He opened it up expecting a sweet, refreshing, dye-laden sip of flame retardant, but was instead met with--well, was instead allegedly met with--a rodent. This not unsurprisingly did not please Beezow; indeed, the ratty surprise was so displeasing that it (allegedly) caused him "permanent pain and mental anguish" (source), which (allegedly) lead to "medical bills, sustained disability, [and] lost wages" (source). So what did Beezee do? He sued Pepsi, of course.

According to the Madison Record, which first reported on this case, these are the pertinent facts:

"After purchasing said can of Mountain Dew [ed note: On November 10, 2008], [Beezow] opened the can and immediately became violently ill such that he began to vomit."

Immediately, [Beezow] poured the Mountain Dew into a Styrofoam cup. Along with the liquid, a dead mouse plopped out of the can.

Before [Beezow] purchased the can, it was sealed and had not been punctured or tampered with. [Ed note: The can was filled and sealed on August 28, 2008]

After finding the mouse in his soda, [Beezow] called the number on the side of the Mountain Dew can and made a formal complaint, he says.

An adjuster investigating [Beezow's] complaint called him back to ask if [Beezow] could send the mouse to the company as evidence of his claims, according to the complaint. Following the company's request, [Beezow] sent the dead mouse to the company in a mason jar filled with the leftover Mountain Dew from the can. [Ed note: This happened on November 11, 2008]

However, when [Beezow] requested the mouse be returned to him for use as evidence in the civil action and for independent testing, he was denied for a number of months, he says.

When [Beezow] finally did receive the mouse back, it was destroyed, according to the complaint.

So far, so good: A guy finds a mouse in his soda and sues the company that made the soda (Pepsi), and this company supposedly ruins the only evidence proving that he's telling the truth--it has all the makings of a true American fairy tale! It is also where the story gets interesting (to me, at least).

Pepsi apparently sent the mouse to a Utah-based veterinarian who specializes in necropsies (animal autopsies), and asked him to examine the mouse Beezow found in his drink--a mouse that, notably, was intact and identifiable as a rodent, with bones and all. The vet obliged immediately, and wrote up a report detailing his examination of the mouse. Based on this report, Pepsi agreed to go to court with Beezow, because, it turns out, it was impossible for Beezow to have found that specific mouse in his specific can of Dew. Why? Simply because the soda had left the factory (where the mouse would have had to have found its way into the drink) some 74 days before it was opened, and in those 74 days submerged in the Dew, there is no possible way the mouse could have remained intact--it would have turned into a "jelly-like" substance (as oft quoted).*

Crazy, right? Mountain Dew? More like Mountain Doom!

So I was all hyped up on this story--I love a good delusional court case, especially when it involves corrosive beverages--until I started doing more research. Although the media is widely implying otherwise, it isn't Mountain Dew per se that would have dissolved the rodent, but rather the acid in Mountain Dew, a fact that makes the story distinctly less exciting. I thus decided I would not blog about this after all...until I found this--the affidavit of the veterinary expert who testified on Pepsi's behalf, and I knew I had to share.

The affidavit is...awesome. And hilarious. And I have so many questions for the guy who wrote it--I would love to invite him to a dinner party. I highly recommend you read the document (it's short, and if nothing else, it will be an excellent distraction from your more important tasks), but just in case you're too lazy, I really want to excerpt some of my favorite parts. I bolded my most favoritest bits.

On the vet's qualifications to be writing the affidavit:

7. I have dedicated my entire career to veterinary pathology and have performed necropsies (autopsies) on thousands of animals.

8. I have performed at least several hundred necropsies on animals commonly referred to as rodents, such as mice and rats.

9. I have studied and am familiar with the effects an acidic fluid, such as common soda drinks including Mountain Dew, will have on mice and other animals. In particular, I have participated in necropsies of such creatures and have examined microscopically and histologically the tissues from such creatures that had been purposefully placed inside cans containing such fluids.

On his predictions of what will happen to a mouse submerged in an acidic fluid such as Mountain Dew:

10. If a mouse is submerged in a fluid with the acidity of Mountain Dew, the following will occur due to the normal acidity of the fluid:

a. Between four days to at most seven days in the fluid, the mouse will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.

b. Within four to seven days in the fluid, the mouse's abdominal structure will rupture. Its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period.

c. By 30 days of exposure to the fluid, all of the mouse's structures will have disintegrated to the point the structures (excepting possibly a portion of the tail) will not be recognizable, and, therefore, the animal itself will not be recognizable. Instead, after 30 days in the fluid, the mouse will have been transformed into a "jelly-like" substance.

On his examination of the mouse from Beezow's soda:

16. On gross examination of the animal, I was unable to open the eyelids. This indicates the animal was a young (at most 2 to 4 weeks old) mouse at the time of its death. (There is an outside possibility the animal was a very young rat.)

17. There was some autolysis and autolytic bacteria found in and around the mouse. This indicates the mouse was dead and exposed to air before entering the fluid.

18. On both gross and microscopic examination, the mouse's bones were present, identifiable, and contained calcium. This establishes that, from a medical and scientific standpoint, the mouse could not have been and was not in the Mountain Dew fluid for more than 7 days (at most) and, therefore, could not have been and was not in the Mountain Dew fluid at the time the can was produced (filled and sealed) on August 28, 2008.

19. After my gross examination of the mouse, I opened the mouse's abdominal cavity. The abdominal cavity had not ruptured, and I observed and was able to identify the internal organs. These findings also establish the mouse had not been in the fluid for more than 7 days at most and most certainly was not in the fluid on and since the date of production, August 28, 2008.

His conclusions:

22. Based upon findings from my examination of the mouse, my educational and professional education, training, and experience, my background with such matters as summarized above, and upon a reasonable degree of scientific, veterinary medical, and veterinary pathological certainty, I have (without limitation) the following opinions:

a. The animal claimed to have been found in the subject can of Mountain Dew was a young mouse at the time of its death, at most 2 to 4 weeks old, though I cannot completely rule out the possibility the animal was a very young rat of approximately the same age.

b. The mouse was dead when it entered the Mountain dew fluid and had been exposed to air after it had died.

c. This mouse had not been born when the can of Mountain Dew was produced (filled and sealed) on August 28, 2008.

d. Because of the condition of the mouse, its internal organs, and cartilaginous and bony structures, namely that none of them had disintegrated or been decalcified, this mouse was not in the Mountain Dew for more than 7 days and could not have been and was not introduced into the can of Mountain Dew when the can was produced (filled and sealed) on August 28, 2008, seventy-four days before it was allegedly found in the can. From a medical, pathological and scientific view, that simply would not have been possible.

And finally, his opinion of Beezow's claim that the mouse was ruined during this examination (this is my most favorite part of all):

25. I disagree with the statements in the above paragraphs...and find them not to be true.

I'm going to start saying that to people. "I disagree with the statements you have made, and find them not to be true." Won't it be fun to argue with me!

In case you're wondering, the pH of the Mountain Dew was 3.43, "within the normal range for Mountain Dew." 3.43 is actually less acidic than a lot of things you might be drinking.

Also: Of course, YouTube has begun posting videos of Mouses in Mountain Dew. I want to get Mythbusters in on that action!

*Insert pun involving "No bones about it!" here.