As if I needed *another* reason to be scared of the ocean

Man. Have you guys heard about cookie-cutter sharks?  I read an article about them last week and I think I'm going to have nightmares forever. "Cookie-cutter" sharks may sound adorable (who doesn't love cookies, after all), but don't be fooled--these buggers are terrifying little hell-raisers that attack things like great white sharks, dolphins, tuna, Orcas,...AND PEOPLE.* They're so awful that one shark expert (the alliteratively named Stewart Springer) apparently called  them "demon whale-biters," though he later popularized the "cookie cutter" moniker...maybe because he felt bad for calling them names? Personally, I think he over-corrected.

The primary thing that makes cookie cutter sharks so scary is their teeth, which are basically serrated saw blades (all connected together in one menacing piece), and the way that they use said teeth to attack things. Here's how a blogger at NatGeo described the animal:

It looks like a demonic cigar. It’s a small cat-sized animal with chocolate-coloured skin, a rounded snout, and large green eyes. Beneath the bizarre head, its lower jaw contains what looks like a saw—a row of huge, serrated teeth, all connected at their bases.

When the cookie-cutter finds a victim, it latches on with its large fleshy lips and bites down with its saw blade. With twisting motions, it scoops out a chunk of flesh, leaving behind circular craters...These are serious injuries—the biggest craters ever recorded were 5 centimetres wide and 7 centimetres deep. (These chunks are conical, so the cookie-cutter metaphor isn’t quite right; “Ice cream scoop shark” or “watermelon baller shark” are more accurate, if less catchy.)

Apparently, cookie cutter sharks have the biggest
teeth of any shark, in relation to their jaws.

Terrifying, right??? If you were ever unlucky enough to be attacked by a cookie cutter shark (which you probably won't be, as they only come out at night, and who in their right mind swims in the ocean at night?!), the main problem you would have is that your wound CAN'T HEAL. To quote someone who appears to have no medical training, but who LiveScience talked to about cookie cutter shark bites nonetheless,

Not only is [a cookie cutter shark bite] painful, but it presents a difficult circumstance for recovery in the sense that there has to be plastic surgery to close the wound and you have permanent tissue loss.

Oh, no biggie, I just had some flesh scooped out of me by a demon whale biter. 

*Shudder*. Mark this as reason #2 why I plan never again to swim in the ocean. (Reason #1 is accidental paralysis, as described here.)

Now, I'd better get to something less horrible. You're welcome for this cheerful Monday pick-me-up!




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*And Submarines! According to Wikipedia:

During the 1970s, several U.S. Navy submarines were forced back to base for repairs by cookiecutter shark bites to the neoprene boots of their AN/BQR-19 sonar domes, which caused the sound-transmitting oil inside to leak and impaired navigation. An unknown enemy weapon was initially feared, before this shark was identified as the culprit, and the problem was solved by installing fiberglass covers around the domes.In the 1980s, some thirty U.S. Navy submarines were damaged by cookiecutter shark bites, mostly to the rubber-sheathed electric cable leading to the sounding probe used to ensure safety when surfacing in shipping zones. Again, the solution was to apply a fiberglass coating.