Seriously, this stuff is much more compelling than DARE ever was...

First I find out that cocaine can melt your face off, and now I learn that heavy use of marijuana can increase your chances of getting schizophrenia, especially if you use it during adolescence. What! Maybe drugs actually are bad for you!

A recent piece in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews has reviewed the scientific literature linking cannabis use and adult-onset psychosis/schizophrenia. Distressingly, the piece convincingly argues--using a number of different streams of research (particularly epidemiological (prospective and retrospective) and animal research)--that use of marijuana, at any point in life but particularly during adolescence, is linked (potentially causally?) to "schizophrenia outcomes." Indeed, pretty much all of the reviewed research on the topic that used human subjects, both from Western and non-Western populations, has shown that smoking the giggle weed is associated with a two- to three-fold increase in the risk of developing schizophrenia. The amount/extent of use is a factor as well--in one study of Swedish army conscripts, those who were heavy ganja users at the time of conscription were more than SIX TIMES as likely as non-users to receive a diagnosis of schizophrenia during the 27-year study period.

During adolescence, it is thought that cannabis use interferes with the development of neuronal networks, causing permanent brain changes that raise the likelihood of developing paranoia and schizophrenia. Studies in rats have shown that immature rats are more sensitive to the cognitive effects of cannabis, and that the "detrimental effects of acute cannabinoids on behavior are greater during puberty compared to adulthood." In an imaging study of human adolescents who had "long-term use of cannabis" (side note: how long could that term possibly be?), it was found that cannabis use "was associated with gyrification abnormalities in the cortex, suggesting that early cannabis use affected normal neurodevelopment." That does not sound good.

At this point I should probably pause to point out the obvious fact that smoking the jive stick won't necessarily give you schizophrenia--there are many other factors at play as well. To quote the article I read, "cannabis use is clearly not an essential or sufficient risk factor [for psychotic illness] as not all schizophrenic patients have used cannabis and the majority of cannabis users do not develop schizophrenia." Nevertheless, there is "a developmental link between cannabis and increased vulnerability to behavioral and cognitive impairments."

So here's my advice (kids, listen up): You may not think smoking the Mary J is a big deal now, but you'll be changing your tune when you start hearing God, the Devil and Zeus all talking to you at once, convincing you you can fly and that your coworker is poisoning your lunch. Just saying. You should probably wait to inhale until you're a bit older.*

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In high school, my best friend and I were convinced that Vladimir and Estragon (protagonists in Becket's Waiting for Godot), were super stoned. Why else did they keep waiting/forgetting they were waiting for Godot?

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In other crazy drug-related news, a bunch of people (in Texas and Seattle, according to this article, but California has this issue as well) have recently gotten botulism from black tar heroin. Yes, BOTULISM. The canned food disease. (Evidently this is old news...but it's new news to me, as everything I know about heroin I learned from watching Intervention, and none of the heroin addicts (that I've seen so far) have had to be hospitalized due to botulism.) Most of the heroin-related botulism cases come from wounds associated with injection sites.

(Aside: Remarkably, people have been known to get MULTIPLE CASES of "wound botulism" (as the medical literature calls it) at their heroin injection sites. You'd think once would be enough to learn your lesson, but apparently not!)

Another even more dire potential complication of black tar heroin use is necrotizing fasciitis (aka flesh-eating bacteria), one of the only diseases I can't even read about because it is so utterly terrifying. (Seriously. I didn't even look at the text of that Wikipedia article I just linked to; I don't want nightmares tonight!) There is no way to get rid of botulism from heroin (I have no idea if the flesh-eating bacteria is get-riddable, but let's just assume no), so it's probably best to stay away from the black tootsie roll. Aaaand...that's all I have to say about that.

This has been your PSA for the day. Stay away from the drugs, kiddos.

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*This is by no means an endorsement of smoking weed or any other illegal substances.