"They bite because they're hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth"

Fish are creepy as hell.

Exhibit A: The Pacu, a piranha relative, which can grow up to 55 pounds and which has huge human-like teeth that love to crunch on small, round objects. Like...testicles.

The Pacu is making the rounds of the internet today because somebody in Sweden caught one in the Øresund Sound, prompting the Natural History Museum of Denmark to put out a warming to men to "Keep your swimwear on if you're bathing in the Sound these days." Which is hilarious, of course. I'd cover the story too, if I were a journalist.

To tell you more about the Pacu, which really does sound a bit frightening, I'd like to quote the delightful Henrik Carl, "fish expert" at the Danish museum:

[Pacus] are almost identical to the piranha, you couldn't even tell from the outside. It's just that they have different teeth. Flatter and stronger, perfect for crushing....The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off....They bite because they're hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth...and its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It's not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.

Then, helpfully, after terrifying everyone in both Sweden and Denmark, my buddy Henrik adds that the museum's warning was meant "as a bit of fun," and the discovery of the Pacu is really no big deal. Quoth he: "There's nothing to worry about... you're more likely to drown that get your nuts bitten off."

Alright. So, Pacus AND drowning. Lots to fear in Sweden!

Pacus have also been found in Illinois. So...cross that off the list of places I'll ever swim.

Cue the nighmares

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Hat tip to Anonymous for sending this article to me. I was feeling very blog-uninspired today, and Anonymous saved Posting Day 7 with this delightful story.