Happy birthday America, happy first day of work to me

Woke up a bit early for my first day of gainful employment since 2006, and I've got some time to kill. What do I decide to do? Find out about work- and firework-related death risks, of course! In honor of America's independence day, and my transition to the real world, I offer you these six ways to die:

1. Fireworks bunker explosion
2. Fireworks explosion during truck unloading
3. Falling off a cliff trying to avoid fireworks explosion

4. Sitting too damn long at a computer
5. Getting "displaced" (laid off)
6. Being unemployed

Now, off to blow dry my hair and get to work!  Well, first Dunkin Donuts, then work.

A classic.